Painting The Town Red

I went out last Sunday night. Why should I care I hear you ask. Well you see, for me to go out, takes an awful lot these days. Mostly because money is so bloomin' tight that I literally cannot afford to get in the mouldies in a pub or club. So I made myself look even sexier than I usually do and I headed into town to meet my friends. It was actually a pretty crap night. We went to a few different pubs and all that was there were middle aged men with beer guts. Like EVERYWHERE. Suppose we should have gone out on St. Stephens Night but we were all just exhausted and stuffed with food.

We ended up in a "gay friendly" bar. I have been there once or twice before and never really enjoyed it. But these days it's the place to go for all. There usually is more straight people there than gay's but what the hey off we went. The girls I was with ordered a bottle of presecco and we succeeded to down that between us all fairly rapidly. Just before I was finished mine I got a text from another friend asking me where I was as I hadn't seen him in ages and said we'd meet for a scoop that night.

I went to the bar and ordered another bottle of presecco and as I was waiting for the bar man to bring me the bottle my friend (who texted a few moments earlier) was standing beside me and chatting away. So we were having the well like. Chatting away goodo. So I said I better get back with the drink or I'd be murdered like and I'd bump into him later. And with that, I felt a hand on my ass. Now a hand on my ass is fine. I have no problem with it normally. BUT this hand was not placed on the outside of my jeans. Oh no. It was inside my jeans! So I was like squirming trying to get his hand out of my jeans and trying to not drop this bottle of presecco. He goes "Wha?" And he acting all innocent. So I said "Stop it now. You're embarrassing me". See it wasn't as if the bar was a dark and dingy one. Far from it. It was bright as daylight in there so all could see. Scarleh wasn't the word.

I went back to the table and told the gang about my being mauled at the bar. Sure they thought it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. The fuckers.

After a while, a fella came up to one of my friends and started talking to her. He was bending down to her so hadn't a clue who he was. I was fairly well oiled at this stage so I was kinda not noticing things as much as you do when your sober. After probably ten minutes I noticed a hand outstretched in front of my face......followed the hand up the arm, across the shoulder and to the face. Sure it was only my friends ex who we had first met in Dingle during the summer. Now talk about a hottie. We were mad about him then and I had a few suspicions but said nothing. So I got a big handshake and nobody else did. Then another friend procedded to put out her hand for an aul shake from the hot guy. Well what ensued after that was possibly the most mortifying thing that I have done whilst drunk in many years.

Myself and the other friend who got both our hands shaken by the hot ex of our other friend started to giggle and whisper about how he looked even hotter than he did in the summer and here he was in a gay bar. THEN my friend goes to me, "He touched me more when he shook my hand". To which I kinda shouted "He did not. He gave me a double handshake". This went on for the rest of the time that the hot guy was standing there talking to his ex and it also continued on for the rest of the night.

Now if this wasn't embarrassing enough, see he may have just thought we were on about something else, his ex went and told him what we were saying. Well if the ground didn't open up and swallow me it never would. Talk about morto.

On the upside, he just accepted my friend request on Facebook. Watch this space....

BTW I don't particulary like New Years time of year. I find it blasé and uber depressing so I tend to just ignore it but...Happy New Year folks! All the best for 2010!

Oh How We Laughed

I headed into town yesterday to finish off my Christmas shopping. And I got it all done successfully and now I have all my Christmas presents bought I can sit back and relax and enjoy the run up to Christmas. First year I have ever been organised so early!

Yesterday was an extremely funny day. I don't think I have laughed so much in an age.

There is a big pedestrianised area in the middle of town. There are shops surrounding the square and several different streets lead onto the square so it's always rather busy. There were a good few people about doing their Christmas shopping and quiet a few mothers with their children around the place too. I saw this little boy running along beside his mammy and he had a balloon tied around his wrist. I reckon he was only about two or three years old. He was punching the balloon with the hand it was tied too so it was bouncing back at him and he'd punch it again. This was not the funny part. He kept punching it and punching it and each time to balloon bounced back once it could go no further. Then he gave it a really big punch and lo and behold it burst. Now I even jumped with fright I got from the bang of it bursting. And the square is rather sparse so that made it even louder and the echo was fantastic. Well the child got such a fright he fell backwards and he screamed crying. This is when I started to laugh. His mother picked him up and carried on walking with the child screaming. And then he did something that made me laugh even more. He was looking at the ribbon tied around his wrist and the withered balloon hanging off the end of it. What did he do? He tried to punch it and sure god love em he hadn't a hope cos the balloon was just trailing along the ground. Oh the hilarity of it all.

Then I was in a department store and a lady, probably in her fifties I reckon, was about to climb the stairs. Well if she did, she missed her footing on the first step and went flying forward. Bags akimbo and her two hands outstretched to save herself she landed on all fours half way up the stairs. And you know it's the moments when you are not supposed to laugh that are the funniest. She looked like a toddler trying to negotiate a stairs for the first time coupled with shopping bags galore. How could you not laugh?

Then yesterday evening I was babysitting my niece for an hour or so. She is only 16 months so she is exploring everything at the moment and she had great fun running around the house and disrupting my Christmas decorations. I was getting her ready to go home and I put her coat on her and left her continue on her investigating. Then I had her teddy bear whom she cannot go asleep without - I didn't want her to forget it! So I decided I'd put the teddy bear into her hood for the few minutes before she was picked up. Well lads, the funniest thing happened. After a while she was turning around to gibberish at me and she saw the teddy in her hood. She plopped down onto the floor and immediately started turning around on her arse with her hand back over her shoulder trying to get the teddy. The exact same as a dog chasing it's tail. I nearly wet myself with the laughing. The more I laughed the more frustrated she got. I left her like that for about ten minutes. Just for pig iron.

Then last night I tuned into the final of The Apprentice on TV3. Now you all know what I am going to say about this one so I shall say no more except for this, Michelle Heaton. It nearly finished me off. Especially when you can hear her thump of the ground.

Oh how we laughed!

My Annus Horribilis

As the Queen of England once said in a speech, "1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an Annus Horribilis." Yes, I too, have had an Annus Horribilis. 2009 has by far been the worst year of my life, in all my 25 years of living.

I have learned one very important trait about myself this past year. I discovered something that I never knew I had. And I am grateful for that discovery. This year has shown the amount of inner strength that I possess. It had been lying there dormant for many years and it finally reared it's head just when it was absolutely needed. Without this inner strength I fear what might have become of me.

Almost 12 months ago, the day before Christmas Eve in fact, I was in work and I was called into the managers office. I had been working on a maternity cover contract for the previous nine months and the lady who was on maternity leave decided not to come back to her job as the manager was making life way too difficult for her to be a mother and an employee. So I assumed I had the job for keeps. I was wrong. The meeting turned into a bit of an argument and before I went home that evening I cleaned out my desk and went out on sick certs for the remaining 3 weeks of my contract. I was better than that job. Best thing I ever did.

St. Stephens Day arrived and I got the most acute form of tonsillitis that ever existed. I was actually sick for about 6 weeks with it. Eugh. It really knocked me to the floor and zapped me of any energy or fight that I had left.

New Years Eve came. I usually hate New Years Eve. It's not a particular time of year that I enjoy. I couldn't care less if I was in bed asleep for midnight. I much prefer Christmas. Anyway, the phone rang about 10pm that night and it was news to say that my Great-Aunt had passed away at 93 years of age. I was particularly upset by this as she was very nice and very close to my mother and grand-mother.

Three weeks into January another phone call came. My grand-fathers last surviving sibling had died after a lengthy battle with cancer. Another funeral to go to.

After this, my grand-father himself started to deteriorate rapidly. A sufferer of Alzheimers for several years had taken it's toll on him. Meanwhile I was applying for every job I could find but to no avail. Money was tight. Social life had gone out the window. Everything seemed dark and dreary.

My grand-father eventually passed away the first week in May. A happy release we said. Still didn't make it any easier.

June came and my recently bereaved grand-mother called to say her dog had to be put down. You may say oh it's only a dog. It wasn't to her. He was company and a companion and an excuse to go out and talk to people. A little joy came in June with the birth of my cousins first baby.

I thought nothing else could go wrong. How much bad luck can one person have? My dad's job went in July. Ha. At this stage all you could do was laugh. It was either that or cry.

I got a brainwave in August. I decided that I couldn't take much more of this sitting around waiting for a job and more importantly I couldn't bare the thoughts of sitting in the house for the entire winter when it's cold and miserable. I needed to get out and do something.

I thought about doing voluntary work with a charity. But I'm not a very charitable person and then how would that benefit me in terms of gaining experience to get a job, eventually. And there it was. My brainwave. Why not approach companies and ask them to take me on, on a voluntary basis, in order to get some experience. I sent out one email to one place in particular. Went in for a meeting with the manager and I got 1.5 days a week work! Still not getting paid for it mind but I LOVE it.

When I look back now over the last 12 months, I wonder how on earth I kept going. The above events aren't all the bad things that happened throughout the year. There are loads more and I'd be here for the day if I were to list them all off.

Things are starting to look up about with the last month or two. Let's just hope that 2010 is a much better year for the entire population of Ireland. We can't have another one as bad as 2009 I reckon. One thing is for sure, things can't possibly get any worse. I hope.

For the first time in my life, I am looking forward to the New Year this year. I can't wait for it.

2009 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an Annus Horribilis!

12 Days of Christmas

It's that time of year again where the decorations are taken down from the attic! And you know that the Christmas Tree lights from last year won't work and it'll take hours and hours of checking to see which bulb has blown. You finally get them working and set about decorating the house.

Now some people, who shall remain nameless, love to have a house which looks like Santa exploded in it. Every corner is decorated and the house just looks like Santa's grotto. We all know someone like that and let's face it, it's lovely to make such a big effort. And it does look really really well. However, I'm too lazy to do that as that would require putting all the decorations up, looking at them for a few weeks, and then taking them all down again till next year. It's the taking down part that I cannot abide. The effort of it like. I much more of a Christmas Tree and a few other bits around the house sorta guy. Works wonders for me anyway.

We also know them type of people who have all their Christmas shopping done by the 1st of November each year. These people make me sick. Sick with jealousy. No matter how much I say I'm going to be better prepared next year, I will still be running around the town like a heifer in heat come next Christmas Eve. Why do I do that to myself? Why? Every year I swear it'll be different. And it's not. I hear people at work and in the shops saying "Oh I only have to get one more present and I have all my shopping done for Christmas". At which point I could just hurl.

I do love seeing the town all done up for the festivities, along with offices and schools etc. I think that they really set the mood for a good Christmas. I was working up until Christmas Eve last year (on the day before Christmas Eve I was told I'd be finishing in January) and this was my first and last Christmas in that job (thank God). But there was no Christmas atmosphere in that place. In any other job I had, the place would be buzzing on the run up to Christmas. But not in this shite hole. The boss had nothing on Scrooge. Never in my life have I met one so horrible and cold. But that's a blog post for another day. I made last Christmas a great one in spite of all that happened on the run up to it! Go me.

Finally, I'd like to say that I have no Christmas shopping done yet whatsoever and it will stay like this up until the week before Christmas at least. Ha! I shall leave you know with one of my favourite Christmas songs....Enjoy!